I’m back on the blog! I’ve decided I’m going to try to write more this year even if what I have to say is not monumental, not earth shattering, and maybe not worth your time to read. Heck, it would probably put me at ease if the last one is true. In any case, here continues the saga of an up-down equine professional trying to teach some kiddos something about horsemanship this winter and trying to keep my cool as snow endlessly falls off the roof.
A lot has happened since I last wrote in… August 2020… wow sorry guys. Alright well I can’t try to fill in all the holes but let’s just say there were a lot of highs and just as many lows. Coincidentally most of the highs happen in the summer when the living is easy and the hot sun acts as a natural sedative. And the lows happen on the windy days when the leaves are scratching at the indoor walls and the snow hangs off the side of the roof, threatening to drop right as I approach the jump. And don’t get me started on the squirrels and other small quick-moving creatures that decide to move in as the temperatures drop. Winter really shouldn’t be all that offensive if you have a good pair of earplugs and a quarter sheet, but I’m pretty sure I need to get myself the equivalent of a thunder blanket to get me through these grueling 5-6 months. The heated vest I got for Christmas is really a god send but it doesn’t quite keep the neurons firing in my noggin when I hear the ominous sliding of snow.
That being said, the good days have made for some spectacular rides. Courses in the outdoor arena where I’m nailing distance after distance, forward-thinking jumps into and out of a line, a strong inside leg through a corner with a spooky pony, flat lessons packaging the horse on the bit over canter poles, and, probably most importantly, a functioning THINKING brain when things get tough. Like when I literally dropped my rein mid-course and just shouted to my trainer “DON’T WORRY I GOT THIS!” Or when I chipped in terribly to a line and had the mental determination to get the heck out of that line in the right number of strides. Or when a horrifying biker in neon orange and her dog came down the back road and my horse spurted out of my meticulous counter canter exercise, but I got him back and laughed all the while. To be quite honest, those moments of joy and laughing in the face of challenge feel WAY more triumphant than nailing a distance.
But if I’ve learned anything about riding, it’s that progress is anything but linear and just when you think you’re making big moves, something humbles you. Sometimes it’s 5 steps forward and 1 step backward, sometimes its 3 steps forward and 50 steps backward. Progress is all relative, but boy is it hard to keep a grip on your goals and expectations when “simple” yesterday feels impossible today. And boy is it frustrating when falling frozen water is the cause of you losing your chill (pun intended).
When one of my students is having a rough day or when the horse I’m riding is frazzled, I keep it simple. I reward the small steps of progress and take breaks as soon as they get it right. I’m fully aware that there are some days when just showing up is hard enough. We keep it positive, and acknowledge that today might not be great, but it’s just one day and tomorrow will probably be better. It’s so easy for me to grant other people this grace, but it’s incredibly hard to give that same grace to myself on a hard day. I think part of it is the fear that if I give in and lower my standards today, that somehow that’s a failure in my progress toward my goals. That if I’m not better today than I was yesterday, then I’ll never make actual progress, I’ll just keep tumbling backwards down the hill. But as quickly as one day can set you back, another can send you exponentially forward. I tell you, riding is either going to give you a mental toughness you never knew you had, or it will decimate you. I hope for your sake (and mine) that we all come out a little bit stronger than we thought we could be.
Be kind to yourself this winter, however impossible that may feel at times. Know that progress can happen at the walk, on the ground, or just by putting on your helmet and walking into the ring. You know when you give your horse a ginormous pat and exuberant “GOOD BOY!!” when he finally walks through the light beam on the ground in the indoor? It’s okay to give yourself the same praise for getting to the barn or getting on when you’re having a rotten day. No one will think less of that stellar course you put in during yesterday’s lesson just because today it was hard to just walk through the light spot. Pat yourself on the back, give yourself a cookie, and drive home knowing today was today and there’s only a couple hours left until you get another chance tomorrow. Be kind to yourself, and I’ll try to do the same.
I’ll leave you with my quote of the week (for which I take absolutely no credit, but also have no idea who to give credit to):
“But did you congratulate yourself on the progress that no one knows about? Honor yourself.”