Unlock Your Potential with One Word

How often do you hear the words “I can’t” or “It’s not working” or, the ultimate defeat, “I’ll never get this right” whispered by that devilish voice in your head? Probably more often than you’d like to admit. That little voice, though fleeting at times, has a pick-axe powerful enough to break apart your wall of confidence – sometimes in small bits, sometimes in large chunks – and the more you believe what it says, the poorer you perform.

If you say you can’t, then you can’t.

Convincing yourself that you are incapable, that you lack the skills and that you’re incompetent will bring you to your knees. (Figuratively and sometimes literally.) In riding, confidence is key. You are the leader of your team and if you question your mission, you can bet that your horse knows. I don’t know that they can “smell fear” as some say, but they can certainly sense tensed muscles, an increased heart rate, and lack of commitment. Truthfully, a horse backing off from a 3’ fence with a timid rider is a survival tactic. Would you want to run at a hurdle if you sensed that you’d be pulled up at the base? I wouldn’t.

You are capable. You are confident. You are strong. You are a good rider. But YOU have got to believe that you are all of these things and much more. I can tell you that it doesn’t matter how many times I tell a student that I think they are capable and ready for this exercise, horse, etc., the magic won’t happen until that student has convinced herself that she is willing to try.

I often see young riders struggling with this diminishing confidence paradigm in lessons as they tackle a difficult exercise or ride an unfamiliar horse that challenges them in new ways. They respond in many ways, some with determination, others with anxiety, nerves, confusion, and/or frustration… all of which are totally normal reactions. Learning is a vulnerable process and it is okay to feel intimidated as you are humbled by what you don’t know. As a side note, if you don’t feel like the wheels on the bus are spinning in mud occasionally, you likely aren’t pushing yourself hard enough.

No matter how you currently respond to difficult situations, the tricky part is retraining your mind and body to not just appreciate those moments of confusion or frustration, but to CRAVE them. To search for the things that challenge you and to want to tackle those moments with determination, persistence, and kindness.

How, you ask? Add one simple little word to the end of your sentences: “yet”.  With this word, you will undermine that devilish little voice in your head and find a whole new sense of power over your frustration and fear. “Yet” drowns your frustration in possibility and opportunity. You’ll be amazed at the potential you start to see in yourself and your horse:

“I can’t do shoulder in, YET.” “I just can’t figure out that distance, YET.” “I can’t get us over both jumps and count strides in between, YET.”

Suddenly, you’ve taken a statement that bodes defeat and transformed it into a growth mindset.

“Yet” will allow you to accept whatever progress you’ve made, will shut up that incessant voice in your head, will bring potential to your next ride, and will allow you to remain teachable. Once it becomes natural to add this three-letter word to the end of your sentences, you’ll find yourself much more at ease. Mistakes become new goals and puzzles, ones that you know you have the tools to solve, you just maybe haven’t figured out how all those tools fit together, yet. Learning becomes enjoyable and you’ll listen to feedback with a new hunger. Most importantly, when the going gets tough, you won’t shut down and you won’t feel that wall of confidence crumbling. When your confidence is consistent, your horse has no excuse but to trust you, and you set yourself up for a better ride tomorrow.

Footnote: I love listening to Brené Brown speak about vulnerability. Click below to listen to her keynote speech called “Daring Classrooms” that points out the inherent overlap between vulnerability and learning. While her speech is tailored toward classroom teachers, the content is just as relevant to riding instructors and students. Enjoy and feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!